Being brave enough to lean into discomfort: Developing sharper self-awareness in the workplace 

 - by Julia Kerr Henkel, MD of Lumminos, a full service executive coaching consultancy

While the majority of business leaders understand that strong, clear communications in the workplace, especially during times of uncertainty, change and upheaval, leads to better staff engagement and business performance, many are unaware of the real barriers to open and transparent communication. In many instances, the emotional armoury that leaders and employees use to ‘protect themselves’ might leave them feeling at risk, awkward and exposed.

What is armouring up?

Patterns of self-defence

Put simply, armouring up refers to a multitude of self-defensive behaviours and mechanisms that we use to avoid feeling vulnerable.

While self-protection is sometimes necessary, we need to develop enough bravery and self-awareness to recognise our specific ‘go-to’ armour that we grab onto during difficult situations.

Our armouring shields might lead us to do one or more of the following things:

Move away: Withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, keeping quiet and even keeping secrets; or

Move toward: Seeking to overly engage, appease and please others; or

Move against: Trying to gain control and even power over others, being confrontational, even aggressive, and using tactics such as micro-managing, shutting others down, shaming, blaming and finger pointing.

Common forms of armouring up

To help leaders along the path of developing keener self-awareness, there is a long list of behaviours - based on the research of Dr Brené Brown - which speak to armouring up and encouragingly, corresponding invitations to practice more daring, courageous and authentic leadership.

What’s the likely impact of these avoidant behaviours and ‘armouring up’? 

More often than not, they lead to leaders not being fully attentive and present to the needs and ideas of their people because the focus is on upholding their front and maintaining their own needs. Secondly, it shifts the organisational culture as others do not feel it’s safe or even worthwhile to fully engage, speak up, share their fears and feelings, challenge ideas and concepts, take risks, own up to mistakes, and tackle hard decisions and conversations.

The tendency amongst leaders and colleagues to armour up can lead to a general lowering of innovation, courage, compassion, connection and empathy in the workplace – coupled with an erosion of trust and a lowering of engagement levels (all the fundamentals that companies are going to need right now to pull through this crisis).

Replacing armoured behaviour with daring behaviours

Fortunately, these negative patterns and tendencies can be tackled with the practice of keen self-awareness. For example, leaders can begin to coach themselves by reflecting privately on key questions such as:

• What situations or people are most likely to lead me to armour up?
• What are some of my triggers during this time?
• What does my armouring up process look and feel like?
• What am I noticing about my body language?
• My words?
• My thoughts?
• My go-to behaviours?
• What can I shift right now in this moment?

Essentially, the key to developing sharp self-awareness is deep curiosity and courage to go to some hard and difficult places. The ability to ask genuine, open-ended questions of yourself and others can assist leaders to lean into the discomfort of these vulnerable moments.  

Increasingly, savvy business leaders who understand the importance of developing their own ‘softer skills’ and emotional intelligence will be far better equipped to steer their people and organisations through the turbulent times ahead - while still focusing on the necessary achievement of profitability to ensure ongoing business and employment stability. 

Further reference:

Dare to Lead – Brené Brown 

About the author 

Julia runs Lumminos, a full-service coaching and culture change consultancy which dares its clients to lead, learn, live, love and parent with awareness, skills, compassion and humour.

She is an ICF PCC-level coach, seasoned change and organisational development consultant and speaker. In March 2019, Julia Kerr Henkel studied with Brené Brown in Texas and is now one of very few fully Certified Dare to LeadÔ facilitators in Africa, commissioned to deliver work on her behalf. In January 2020, she also launched Dare to Lead #daringclassrooms – an extension of this work tailored for educators – our most important leaders. She runs a program at GIBS aimed at supporting newly certified coaches called Kickstart your Coaching Business.

Prior to starting Lumminos, Julia spent 4 years at Goldman Sachs London and was a director for 8 years at College Hill Investor Relations and Magna Carta, comms and reputation management agencies

For more information, visit www.lumminos.co.za

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